Tatlong magkaibigan nagpapayabangan:
BOY 1 : "Lahi namin and mahabang buhay, ang Lolo ko namatay 88 years old na."
BOY 2 : "Ako, ang Lolo ko namatay 98 years old na."
BOY 3 : "Wala iyan! Ang Lolo ko sobrang tanda, kaya pinatay na lang namin!"
LITTLE JUANITO : "Tatay, how was I born?"
OLD TATAY : "Ah, my beloved son, I guess one day you will find out anyway! Well, you see, your Nanay and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Nanay and we met at a cyber-cafe! We sneaked into a secluded room where your Nanay agreed to download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later, a blessed little pop-up appeared and said: 'YOU GOT MALE!'"
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Tay, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
Tatay answered: "Well, anak, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine!"
ANAK : "Tay, di ba sabi ninyo nuon na-expel kayo sa college!"
DAD : "0o, bakit?"
ANAK : "Totoo pala ang kasabihang 'history repeats itself!'"
SON : ""Tay, I saved 6.50 pesos today!"
FATHER : "Paano?"
SON : "Di ako sumakay ng jeep, sinabayan ko na lang ng pagtakbo hanggang makarating ako dito sa bahay!"
FATHER : "Bobo, sana mas malaki ang natipid mo kung ang sinabayan mo ay iyong taksi!"
ANAK : "Tatay, anong pagkakaiba ng Supper at Dinner?"
TATAY : "Anak, pag kumain tayo sa labas, 'dinner' 'yun. Pag dito kakain ng luto ng Nanay mo, 'suffer' 'yun!"
TATAY : "Anak, ibili mo ako ng soft drink."
ANAK : "Coke o Pepsi?"
TATAY : "Coke".
ANAK : "Diet o Regular?"
TATAY : "Regular".
ANAK : "Bote o can?"
TATAY : "Bote".
ANAK : "8 oz o 2 litro?"
TATAY : "Anak ka ng Ina mo, tubig na lang!"
ANAK : "Mineral, distilled o purified?" (He, he, he, wala ng katapusan ito)
Anak, tumawag sa kanyang tatay na nasa States:
ANAK : "Tay, padalhan mo ako ng pera. Kinain ng daga ang mga damit ko!"
TATAY : "Sorry, anak, wala akong pera, kung gusto mo ipadadala ko ang pusa ko dito!"
LOLO : Jhonny kuhaa akong kape
APO : Lo, jenny po
LOLO : Jhonny palihug ko sa kutchara
APO : Lo, Jenny po
LOLO : Punyeta ka Jhonny, ayaw pag sige ug binayot dha!
MOM : Did'nt I tell u dat if a guy touches ur boobs say DON'T, and if he touches ur pussy say STOP!
GIRL : Right, but he touches both at the same time so I said DON'T STOP!
You are visitor number
Eh Kase Bata
Erap puzzles
Reporter..
Reporter: Bakit mo pinisil boob ko?
Erap: Kasi may nakalagay Press
Cabinet member: Mr. President our population growth rate is very alarming, there is 1
Woman giving birth every minute!
Erap: We have to stop this and look for that woman!
Puzzle 1
Erap's Answer
Puzzle 3
Puzzle 4
Senior citizen
1st night-Lola wear see through dress....Lolo did'nt react...
2nd night, Lola wear t-back...Lolo still deadma...
3rd night, Lola all naked...Lolo said; ANO YAN SUOT MO, GUSOT-GUSOT!?
OLD WOMAN : "Fire! Call Hello, Help! Send someone over quickly! "Two naked men are climbing up towards my bedroom window!", screamed the old woman into the phone.
DISPATCHER AT THE FIRE DEPARTMENT : "This is the Fire Dept., lady!" "I'll have to transfer you to the Police Dept.!"
OLD WOMAN : "No, it your department that I want", she yelled back. "They need a longer ladder!"
Lola hinoldap.
LOLA : Wala akong pera!
HOLDAPER : Alam ko kung nasan pera mo.(sabay pinasok ang kamay sa bra ni lola)
LOLA : Tuloy mo pa. Me cheke pa sa ibaba!
LOLA: Mahal make love tayo.
LOLO: Sige, kunin ko muna condom.
LOLA: Sira ulo di na ako mabubuntis!
LOLO: Alam ko kaya lang may rayuma ako, di pwede mabasa.
Lolo at lola naghati sa isang meal sa Mcdo. Lolo kain pero nuod lang ang lola.
WAITER : Bakit nyo pa hinati?
LOLO : 50-50 kami.
WAITER : lola bakit hindi pa kayo kumakain?
LOLA : Gamit pa nya pustiso ko.
Lolo bagong kasal sa sexy:
SEXY : Ano honey, kaya mo pa ba?
LOLO : Oo ganto pa nga eh,(sabay buka ng kamay)
SEXY : 5? Kaya mo pa ng 5 beses?
LOLO : Hindi! Pili ka alin daliri?
LOLO : Lab, 69 naman tayo o!
LOLA : Damuho ka kung kailan tayo tumanda saka ka naging bastos! Di ka na nahiya sa sarili mo. Tama na sakin itong DOG STYLE!
SEXY : Pa-check-up po, Doc
DOC : O sige, Punta ka sa likod ng kurtina. Maghubad ka na.
SEXY : Hindi po ako. Itong lola ko po.
DOC : Ganoon ba. Sige Lola, hingang malalim.
Husband vs Wife
Marriage (Part I )
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and
after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said:
"No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex
here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not."
(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
************************************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!"
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
*****************************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no
good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer to the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
*****************************************
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
shouts right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
*****************************************
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.