Wisdom comes with age

An elderly woman walked into t! he Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?" The elderly woman replie! d, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square." The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"

"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square."

"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness."

"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"

2 Tough Qs

Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.


CANDIDATE A
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

CANDIDATE B
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

CANDIDATE C
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Decide first . No peeking. Scroll down for the response.

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Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.


If you said YES for Question #1, you just killed Beethoven. That woman was Beethoven's mother.

Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.

Wait till you see the end of this note! Keep reading...



Never be afraid to try something new.

Remember: Amateurs...built the ark.

Professionals...built the Titanic


And finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees, and has the following statistics:

29 have been accused of spousal abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad checks
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...

Can you guess which organization this is

Give up yet?

It's the 435 members of the United States Congress.

The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

Are you one of us?

Einstein wrote this riddle last century and said that 98% of the world’s population would not be able to solve it.

• There are 5 houses that are each a different colour.
• There is a person of a different nationality in each house.
• The 5 owners drink a certain drink. They each smoke a certain brand of cigarettes and also have a certain pet. No owner has the same pet, smokes the same brand of cigarettes nor drinks the same drink.
• The question is. “Who has the fish?”

CLUES:

1. The British man lives in the red house.
2. The Swedish man has a dog for a pet.
3. The Danish man drinks tea.
4. The green house is to the left of the white house.
5. The owner of the green house drinks coffee.
6. The person that smokes Pall Mall has a bird.
7. The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill.
8. The person that lives in the middle house drinks milk.
9. The Norwegian lives in the first house.
10. The person that smokes Blend, lives next to the one that has a cat.
11. The person that has a horse lives next to the one that smokes Dunhill.
12. The one that smokes Bluemaster drinks beer.
13. The German smokes Prince.
14. The Norwegian lives next to a blue house.
15. The person that smokes Blend, has a neighbour that drinks water.

Absolutely Phenomenal!

Follow the instructions below:

1) Relax and lazily stare at the 4 tiny dots in the picture below for at least 30 seconds.

2) Slowly shift your gaze from the screen to a wall near you.

3) You will see a circle of light formed on the wall.

4) Start blinking and continue till you see a figure within the circle.

kewl body paints...

Priceless... hehe

here we go...

and the winner is...

Warning!

Let this be a warning to everyone...

My friend was going home laguna to manila and
was traversing a stretch of road na madilim,
then it happened, tumirik bigla yung kotse for no
apparent reason. checked the gas gauge, half
filled naman, no other engine malfunction sa
gauges. Basta the car just "died" on him.
nearby was this acacia tree so he decided na mag
jingle muna, then he heard a, "psssttt, halika
dito". There he saw this very old man. medyo
natakot and nagulat siya, kasi nanlilisik yung
mga mata, mahaba ang buhok, mukhang ermitanyo.
Tinawag siya and he saw the old man was carrying
a book. At first hesitant, pero there was this
force urging him to come over.

When he came over, the old man handed him the
book, para lang siyang pocket book, but colored
black. The old man then told him that he has to
pay for it, 700 pesos daw. Thinking that he
still needs money to have his car fixed,
siyempre ayaw niyang tanggapin yung book.
Pero nanlisik lalo yung mata nung matanda at pinipilit
siyang bayaran yung book.

Dahil sa takot, binayaran din
niya yung libro. after paying for it, sabi sa
kanya na huwag na huwag niyang titignan yung
last page ng libro, or he will regret it.
He wanted to ask for directions, but the old man
started walking towards the darker part of the
fields, and biglang nawala.

Luckily may bus na dumaan and he asked to be brought
down sa bayan. There he looked for a place to spend the night,
para balikan yung car niya the next day.
In his room, he couldn't sleep, and remembered
the book he bought for 700 pesos, kaya kinuha
niya ito and read it. It was about the supernatural and engkantos.
He has read a chapter na rin and was feeling sleepy, so tinabi
niya sa side table. Then he remembered yung sinabi nung
matanda about the last page. He was undecided at
the same time natatakot dun sa warning nung
matanda about opening to the last page. So he
gathered enough courage to open it to the last
page, opened his eyes and got the shock of his life.
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National Book Store... P49.75 pesos

Interesting conversation

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his classon the problem science has with God, The Almighty. He asks one of his new Christian students to stand and.....

Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son?
Student : Yes, sir.

Prof : So you believe in God?
Student : Absolutely, sir.

Prof : Is God good?
Student : Sure.

Prof : Is God all-powerful?
Student : Yes.

Prof : My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?

(Student is silent.)

Prof : You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?
Student : Yes.

Prof : Is Satan good?
Student : No.

Prof : Where does Satan come from?
Student : From...God...

Prof : That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student : Yes.

Prof : Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.

Prof : So who created evil?

(Student does not answer.)

Prof : Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student : Yes, sir.

Prof : So, who created them?

(Student has no answer.)

Prof : Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son... Have you ever seen God?
Student : No, sir.

Prof : Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student : No , sir.

Prof : Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, sme lled your God? Have you ever had any
sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof : Yet you still believe in Him?
Student : Yes.

Prof : According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't
exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof : Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof : Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof : Yes.
Student : No sir. There isn't.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof : Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light,
normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?

Prof : So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Prof : Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is
death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death
as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Prof : If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a
scientist but a preacher?

(The class is in uproar.)

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?

(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smel led it?..... No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical,
stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof : I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.

Student : That is it sir.. The link between man & God is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.